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Thread: Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

  1. #21

    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    Thanks for the great contest TGS!

    It seems ironic for someone as non-religious as I am to ask Satan (The Great one at that) for a Christmas present, but here goes:

    Dear Satan,

    For Chrismtas this year I would like a brand new, shiny video card for my PC, and a gracious contribution of 100 dollars towards the purchase would help immensly. There are a number of reasons why this upgrade would be helpful to me besides helping me pWN some n00bs in HD in one of the two online games I ever play (Battlefield Heroes and Star Wars Battlefront II).

    My first reason, besides my desire to snipe the heads of CIS droids in glorious 1080p, is Photoshop. As I'm sure you know, Photoshop now features GPU acceleration. The general idea behind this is that your GPU can render changes to a picture faster than your CPU can. While it is a great theory, it does not always work well in practice, namely if your GPU lacks significant muscle power. To quote Jeremy Clarkson, trying to use GPU accelerated tools on high resolution photos is "like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase." There is so much lag that the task is virtually impossible. On the other hand, with any powerful modern GPU, the process would be more like, to quote Clarkson again, "smearing honey into Kiera Knightley." The process would be buttery smooth, and the results gorgeous.

    I do not know if you have winter in hell, so in case you don't I'll give a basic synopsis. Winter is when the sky turns grey and unpleasant, the temperature outside drops well below temperature possible to survive in*, and parents get the brilliant idea to set the thermostat ten degrees lower than it is in the summer(who's brilliant idea was that?). Because of the unpleasant temperatures inside and out, during winter your toes always feel like they are about to fall off with the cold. The best solution to this I have found so far is to crank up SETI@Home on my computer, and stick my toes behind my computer's exhaust fan. The problem with this is that there is only space for one of my feet behind the fan. With a new video card that consumed more than the pathetic 35 watts or so of my current one, I would have another place to stick my toes to get warm- behind the exhause of the video card. A great side effect of a better GPU would also be a large increase in SETI computational power.

    My final reason (which in no way relates to turning invisible and knifing your friends in the back, in HD, of course) is monitors. I currently have two monitors hooked up to my computer (one I scavenged and repaired), and another one sitting on my desk unused, because my video card only supports two monitors. From a productivity standpoint, the more monitors you have the more productive you can** be. For example, if I wanted to, I could be writing a paper, and also have the rubric for the paper and 3 or four sources open side by side with three monitors. For Photoshop, I could have Photoshop in one screen, a browser window in the next, and a windows Explorer window open in the last. Triple monitors would also be great for downloading and watching p...movies, I was saying movies, at the same time as doing more productive taks.

    So I, as I hope I have demonstrated, desperately need a new video card, for both my visual satisfaction and the survival of my toes this winter. As Satan, I know you are not known for your kindness, but the prize you are giving away would make my godless Christmas one of the best ones I have ever had.


    Merry Christmas,

    Technochicken


    *any temperature below 60 degrees F
    **emphasis on the can
    disclaimer: some or all of what you just read may or may not be true

  2. #22
    Wet Sanded TheGreatSatan's Avatar
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    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    Any idea what card you would put it towards?

  3. #23

    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    Probably an HD 6850 or a GTX 460. I currently have an HD 3650, ddr2 version.

  4. #24

    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    Oh Great Satan Claus I have no tales of woe or sorrow to share. I am finally back to work after a 9 month layoff and things are looking on the up and up for me, or at least it seems so at the moment. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the generous contest and if I have any nomination to offer I would like to send in my plea for Vashant's plight. Unfortunately my father passed away at the ripe old age of 43 due to a genetic heart condition (which I also share), I however have been fortunate through the advances of medicine to stick it out a little longer. I would ask on behalf of myself and my father that Vashant please be given the help he needs so that his father can spread some cheer into others lives through the use of a new computer (aided by yourself). I beg of you to find it in your cold and blackened heart to make this happen and I will offer up a sacrifice of my only trustworthy Linux 9.10 disk which will be burned in efegee for you.
    All hail The Great Satan Claus and his evil minion of dwarves and gin soaked Reindeer. I beg of you in the name of Enrico Carusso to make this wish happen!

  5. #25
    Wet Sanded TheGreatSatan's Avatar
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    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    Hmmmmm............interesting plea

  6. #26
    Wet Sanded TheGreatSatan's Avatar
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    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    Any others?

    Tazz? DB? Boddaker?

  7. #27

    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    Dear Satan Clause,
    Hope this letter finds you miserable. This tale of woe is not about me but my nephew who recently starting play World of Warcraft. He had seen me playing it on my rig and thought it looked awesome. When he put it on his machine he was very, very sad. He has to play at very low settings and still get low frame rates. The base of his PC isn't too bad but he's only got on-board video. If you can find it in your heart, I would love to give him a video card for the holidays.

    Worst wishes and nasty holidays

  8. #28
    Wet Sanded TheGreatSatan's Avatar
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    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    It ends in a week!

  9. #29

    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    So my plea is that i NEVER done a mod, and simply would love to have a hundred bucks to start me on my way. Believe me when i say times are rough, I just ended moving twice in the last month for many reasons but it took me away from my baby girl, and that was to much to bare, so me and mama worked everything out but she only lets me put money towards things we need or will need, ah-em hence need some extra money would sure help.
    I have my Acer PIECE of crap which has got me here none the less but this is hardware i would use for my mod. I have many ideas for a case and what it might become in the end but what i have now just simply sucks.
    So hear my Plea Santa (TGS) I beg of you for a chance at victory of a new case. And or Possibly a new Mobo!

  10. #30
    Wet Sanded TheGreatSatan's Avatar
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    Satan Claus is Coming to Town!!

    2 days left

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